A stranger on the train who wants to tell me about his bowel movements.
People who whistle cowboy songs during a funeral
Anyone who refers to Charles Manson as "Chuck".
A tall man with a Slavic accent wearing a bow tie of human flesh.
Any couple who owns "his and hers" rectal thermometers.
A girl whose wallet contains nude photos of Sam Donaldson or Yassir Arafat.
A man with a tattoo that shown Joey Buttafuco dancing the Lambada with Leona Helmsley.
Any man who can ingest a quart of vegetable soup through his nose in one long suck.
A priest with one eye patch and a limp who's selling pieces of the cross.
Any guy named Dogmeat whose body has over six square feet of scar tissue
Anyone who takes off work on ted Bundy's birthday.
A man with gold front teeth who wants to play stud poker on the floor of the bus station men's room,
A crying woman with a harpoon gun entering a sports bar.
Anyone who get plastic surgery in attempt to look more intelligent.
A man with one cloven hoof who wants top give daughter a hysterectomy.
A seventy-year old man wearing gag underpants that say "We visited the Grassy Knoll".
Any man with a birthmark shaped like a hypodermic needle.
Any woman who repeatedly gives me a high five during sex.
A cross-eyed man in a New Year's hat reciting "Casey at the Bat"
Anyone who receives e-mail from Willard Scott.
A man who plunges a bone-handled carving fork through his neck in order to get my attention.
Anyone with three nostrils.
A bag lady wearing over 200 garments. including nine separate hats.
Any man who tries to Pierce his ear with an electric can opener.
A retarded twelve-year old who carries more than six books of matches.
Any man who gives himself a Harvey Wallbanger enema. On the rocks.
Any person bleeding from three orifices who wants me to cosign on a loan.
A homely, flat-chested woman wearing a "Foxy Lady" T-shirt.